Outings

Hehehe... Sara happened to be around my workplace last Friday. Hence, we met up for dinner before going home together. Our cousin Grace and their friend Waikei tagged along. I brought them to ThaiExpress Restaurant. I had the green curry chicken with rice while Sara had the pineapple rice. Then Grace and Waikei shared the softshell crab with curry gravy and rice. I ordered a tom yam soup to share around. Hehehe... All of us enjoyed our food. But Sara and Waikei found the tom yam soup very hot. The moment Sara drank a little of the soup, she said, "Waaaah, steam is coming out of my ears!" Hahaha...

Then Sunday, I went out with the guys. We went to Kranji farms. Hiong was the organiser. Hehehe... It was rather fun but very tiring. It felt exactly like those one day tour organised by community centres and residential communitees. Hehehe... When Pk and I reached Boon Lay, our meeting place, Hiong was nowhere to be seen. We thought that he was late and would let us know when he reached. Hence, we went into Jurong point because Pk wanted to return a book. Luckily, we passed by Coffee Bean where Hiong was eating his breakfast. Hahaha... Caught you! =p Hiong took lots of photos at the Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve. Wahhh... We walked for so long that my legs nearly broke. =p Hehehe... Saw birds, saw fish, saw crabs and saw iguanas. And the day ended with coffee and milk. =p

Hope

If you can look at the sunset and smile
then you can have hope

If you can find beauty
in the colors of a flower
then you still have hope

If you can find pleasure
in the movement of a butterfly
then you still have hope

If the smile of a child
can still warm your heart
then you still have hope

If you can see the good in other people
then you still have hope

If the rain falling on a rooftop
can still lull you to sleep
then you still have hope

If the soft fur of a beloved pet
still feels pleasant under your fingertips
then you still have hope

If you meet new people with
a trace of excitement and optimism
then you still have hope

If you give people
the benefit of the doubt
then you still have hope

If you still offer your hand in friendship
to others that have touched your life
then you still have hope

If receiving an unexpected card or letter
still brings a pleasant surprise
then you still have hope

If the suffering of others
still fills you with pain and frustration
then you still have hope

If you refuse to let a friendship die
or accept that it must end
then you still have hope

If you look forward
to a time or place of quiet and reflection
then you still have hope

If you still watch love stories
or want the endings to be happy
then you still have hope

If you can look to the past and smile
then you still have hope

If, when faced with the bad,
when told everything is futile
And you can look up
and end the conversation with the phrase...
"yeah...but.."
then you still have hope

Hope is such a marvelous thing
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides
but rarely does it break
It sustains us when nothing else can
It gives us reason to continue
And courage to move ahead
when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in

Hope puts a smile on our face
when the heart cannot manage
Hope puts our feet on the path
when our eyes cannot see it

Hope moves us to act when our souls
are confused of the direction

Hope is a wonderful thing
Something to be cherished and nurtured
And something that will refresh us in return
And it can be found in each of us
It can bring light into the darkest of places
Never Lose Hope

Know Thyself

I read a self-help book. It says Know Thyself. Hahaha... Sounds like Love Thyself More? I am still rather hay wired, really. Do I actually really know myself? Do I really know what is it that I want and am searching for? In a conversation with Auntie Ling long ago, we touched upon this subject and I told her that I did not really know myself, I did not understand myself. Surprisingly, she told me this... It is preciously that you know yourself that you can tell others that you dont understand yourself. I dont know. Is it?

Priceless Things

Life holds so many priceless things

The falling rain--the wind that sings

Each star on a high--a big full moon

And sunbeams dancing in your room

The river as it rushes on

A sunset when day is gone

No wealth can buy a mountain tall

These priceless things belong to all

An autumn tree lends beauty rare

With leaves piled deep most everywhere

As nature wears a glowing smile

to make each day a day worthwhile

Could anything be quite as dear

As laughing children that we hear

The gift of friendship that is ours

The miracle of growing flowers

Each magic moment--treasured time

These priceless gifts are

yours and mine...

It's Me Again, Lord

Lordy, Lordy, here I am
As you can see, I'm in a jam.
You must be tired
of hearing from me
Cause every time I call...
I'm up a tree.

When everything seems
to be going my way,
I get real confident,
and here's what I say,
I know, Lord, you're tired
of me ringing your phone,
So I'll just handle this one
on my own.

But Satan's just sitting
on my shoulder I guess
Cause next thing I know..
I'm here in a mess.
Can't do it by myself
I'm gonna have to confess,
So here am I sending
my familiar SOS.

When I try it on my own,
I have two left feet.
Sin's knockin' on my door,
and parked on my street.
Parading stuff before my eyes
and even down my throat.
So I'm back yelling for help,
cause you're my only hope.

I've thought it all through,
and I've figured it out,
I'm sure as I can be
without a shadow of a doubt.
I can't make it on my own,
there's just no other way
but to keep being a pest
each and every day.

But, Lord, I'll have to tell you,
it's conforting to know
That you're right here beside me
everywhere I go.
So if you don't mind me crying
on your shoulder everyday
I think I'd really like to
sort of keep it this way.

But if you're tired of me
crying to you every day,
You could take me on out of here
and get me on my way.

I know when I go to Heaven,
I won't be such a pain
Cause I won't have all these problems
about which I now complain.

But until that day comes, Lord,
let's just sing another song
Cause when we're together,
nothing can go wrong.
I'll be hangin' on to you
in everything I do,
And, Lord, it will always be
me and YOU!!

Moments In Life

How true is it.... Life is made up of many many little moments. Whether you deem your life to be happy or sad, I guess it depends on how much you focus on each and every happy or sad moments. Time will pass. Wounds will heal. You probably will not be the same because you will grow? As much the same as actions make habits which make your characters... Moments make phases which make your life. Treasure and cherish... Nothing will be the same.

Hehe... Although, Pk has already posted this in his bloggy but I still wish to show you all the webpage. Hence, here it is. Click on the link: Moments In Life

On The Wings Of A Prayer

Just close your Eyes and open your heart,
And feel your worries and cares depart.
Just yield yourself to the Father above,
And let him hold you secure in his love.

For life on earth grows more involved,
With endless problems that can't be solved,
But God only ask us to do our best,
Then he will take over and finish the rest...

So when you are tired, discouraged and blue,
There is always one door that is open to you,
And that is the door to The House of Prayer,
And you'll find God waiting to meet you there.

And The House of Prayer is no further away,
than the quiet spot where you kneel and pray.
For the heart is a temple when God is there
As we place ourselves in his loving care.

And he hears every prayer and answers each one
When we Pray in His name - Thy will be done.
The burdens that seemed too heavy to bear
Are lifted away on the wings of a prayer.


~Helen Steiner Rice~

Leaving The City Of Regret

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year,
and yet, I found myself packing rather hurriedly.
This trip was going to be unpleasant
and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it.
I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip".

I got tickets to fly there on "WISHIHAD" airlines.
It was an extremely short flight.

I got my baggage, which, I could not check.
I chose to carry it myself all the way.
It was weighted down with a thousand memories
of what might have been.

No one greeted me as I entered the terminal
to the Regret City International Airport.
I say international because
people from all over the world come to this dismal town.

As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel,
I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event,
the Annual Pity Party.

I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion.
Many of the towns leading citizens would be there.

First, there would be the Done family,
you know, Should Have,
Would Have and Could Have.

Then came the I Had family.
You probably know ol' Wish and his clan.

Of course, the Opportunities would be present,
Missed and Lost.

The biggest family would be the Yesterday's.
There are far too many of them to count,
but each one would have a very sad story to share.

Then Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance.

And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses)
about how things had failed in his life,
and each story would be loudly applauded
by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.

Well, to make a long story short,
I went to this depressing party
knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so.
And, as usual, I became very depressed.

But as I thought about all of the stories of failures
brought back from the past,
it occurred to me that all of this trip
and subsequent "pity party" could be canceled by ME!

I started to realize that I did not have to be there.
I didn't have to be depressed.

One thing kept going through my mind, " I can't change yesterday,
but I do have the power to make Today a wonderful day".
I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging.

Knowing this, I left the city of Regret immediately
and left no forwarding address.

Am I sorry for the mistakes I've made in the past? YES!
But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, If you are planning a trip to the city of Regret,
please cancel all your reservations now.
Instead, take a trip to a place called Starting Again

I liked it so much
that I have now taken up permanent residence there.

My neighbors, the I Forgive Myselfs
and the New Starts are so very helpful.

By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage,
because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival.

God bless you in finding this new town.
YOU you can find it --
it's in your own heart --
please look me up.
I live on ICANDOIT street.

I Am Not Crazy

I am not crazy... Maybe, some of you might think that way due to the 'Love Thyself More' post... Neither am I trying to act pityful. I am just on a search, on a quest to look for the missing parts. Maybe, more of such posts would spring up in the future whenever I have any/such findings?

It just suddenly strikes me that I might have always been so straight and harsh with myself. Perhaps, it is due to the family background that I grow up in? Since young, we siblings have to learn to be very independent and I dont want to turn out all wrong? Every now and then, although I did not cry but a crying feeling inside me would surface. I should forgive, accept and love myself more? Wondered if I have been forgiven by 'her'... The whole healing process will take time.

I wish to renew my interest in planting. Along the way, I have dropped it somehow. Omg... Would have to spend an amount of money to buy the plants first... Haiz... My parents will most probably said '三分钟热度' because they dont understand. And would you? Will see how things go.

Love Thyself More

I am not alright. I realised that I am not really alright at all. The girl who will cry if you are too nice/good to her is then the real, true me. Raw and naked, without all the protections, without all the masks. There is a little girl inside me who has been crying, howling and screaming for so long... But all I have done is deeming her as a little spoilt child, always demanding attention, just like a parent who has high expectations of her child. When her needs are not met, when she gets upset, I would say that she is being selfish. How can she just consider herself but not others? She dried up her tears and tried to be better but everything still turns out wrong no matter how hard she tried, no matter how much efforts she put in. And/yet I still scold her and punish her for not doing well enough. How can I do that? I am so sorry. Can you please forgive me? You are not unloved and unwanted! I want you and love you! Please forgive me...

Surprises

Actually, it was too late and I am too tired to make any post today. However, I still decide to do so. I like to write my post late at night actually. When most things/people stopped to rest and gone to bed... That is the time I can calm down and connect best to my inner most self.

Boss was here since Monday. He would be going to Hongkong tomorrow. I joined them for lunch today because he invited me. I wont go if he had not ask. Hmm... I feel different from them. Maybe, the fact that I am only a temp bugs me. Actually, he asked me whether I wanted to join them for dinner as well. Well, I had already made arrangement to meet up with the guys and had dinner with Hiong. Too bad... Because they are going for really good food! Hahaha...

I joined in the UCA meeting today as well. He asked me lots of questions about my work. Well, there is nothing Geraldine and I can do. We can only keep pestering the clients for the files, the rest is up to the sales reps. Boss was quick. The main sales reps would be too busy to keep track and follow up with the stuborn clients so he decided to employ junior sales reps to help out. After this was decided, he immediately called up the sales manager in China to start implementing. India and China are the two places where we are having the most problems. Willem, whom is in charge of India, said that he will try to do everything himself first, will 'scream' for help when he cant manage. Hahaha...

Met up with Hiong for dinner and we ate sushi. The last time we went with Pk, we ate 24 plates in 20 minutes? This time, Hiong and me ate only 10 plates in the same time? What happened? Hahaha... Oh by the way, another miracle? We actually took about 2 hrs to walk from city hall to orchard road? Hiong was in shock and I am surprised at myself. Hehehe...

Addictions

I am very addicted to the internet now, more than anything else. I am usually either playing internet games or chatting with friends. Of course, I do check all the bloggies and post whenever I do feel like it. Hahaha... Runescape and its quests!!! Before last saturday, I have only completed four quests. But till now, I have only 2 quests yet to be completed. Arent I crazy?

Hmm... Today's feeling? I dont know. One minute I was really very angry with whatever had happened to me. The next minute I was very grateful that things happened as such, for certain things just cannot be. Complicated complex feelings, hard to describe.

Tried to play the piano just now but I cant. That one piece and the only piece of music that I knew, I had already forgotten. Apart from that, my last finger on my left hand still hurts a little when I stretch it while playing... What has been lost? A part of me? How big or small? I am losing grip, more and more each time, am I?

Changes

I dont know... Have been very temperamental and I think it is going to last for some time. There are certain things at the back of my head, dont know whether they are fogotten or remembered. Dont know... I think I had a big cry yesterday but I am really happy today.

I stayed at home and played runescape yesterday. Hahaha... One shot, I finished up a number of quests. Omg... 4 or 5 at one go... Really crazy because I just played and played. Hmm... A little like Forrest Gump who ran and ran?

Today, I went to Grandaunt's place where I helped her to dye her hair. Hahaha... Erm... Skill is not good though. Omg... A bit uneven. But I think it is still alright. Then I accompanied her to Chinatown. Wow... It was so crowded! So many people, even before the Chinese New Year Chinatown Fair started. Quite a number of stores have started selling new year goodies. Walk walk, shop shop, see see, look look, talk talk... It felt great!

My Tarot Reading

Six of Cups
Position: Love & Me Main (positional)

Meaning:Although a fond look at the past is pleasing and refreshing, your relationship fulfillment lies in the future.The card in the Love & Me position touches on an aspect of how you perceive yourself right now.The Six of Cups symbolizes nostalgia and its power, illustrating two sides of your nature. When you look back at the past, your emotions soften; you feel tender, open and sentimental. When you look to the future, you know your will must harden; you need to be more powerful, directing the flow rather than following. The past was a time when you were younger and lighter. It also was a time when partnership and romantic issues were less complex and confusing. You were not empowered in the way you are now, however. The present is full of fresh potential while the past is two-dimensional, a snapshot of times gone by. It's fine to enjoy nostalgia and sentimentality, but when you have finished refreshing yourself in the waters of memory, come back to the present with energy for the future of your intimate relationship, where your scope is so much broader.

Queen of Cups
Position: Love Situation Main (positional)

Meaning:Be as caring as you can be without getting swept up in the emotional dramas of your companion (or love interest).The card that lands in the Love Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.The Queen of Cups in this position points to an emotionally full relationship. Sometimes the Queen may be a difficult person to be patient with as there is so much processing involved in maintaining the relationship. Yet she is always authentic and emotionally available, ready to offer her support in times when it is hard to face what is on your plate. While the Queen of Cups possesses the heart qualities of kindness and empathy, she can sometimes be too selfless, forgetting to state her wants and needs directly. So you have to make the effort to check in with her, in order that your desires do not run right over hers by accident! Maintain clear boundaries unless you want to become psychically bonded with emotional partners, as this particular queen energy can stimulate a strong urge to merge. The Queen of Cups is beautiful, but she can be overwhelmed if she's not careful. Try to handle the relationship gently, and you both will be happier, even if you cannot feel exactly the way your partner does.

King of Cups
Position: Love Challenges Main (positional)

Meaning:Evoke the wise elder to help you lift yourself and a loved one above problems and worries.The card that lands in the Love Challenges position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.When the King of Cups is in this position, you may be challenged to find the wise, kind, and spiritual part of yourself. Bring this mature king energy forward so you can evoke, direct, or support the education or healing that may be needed in your relationship. Use forgiveness to help lift you and the one you care about out of sorrow, shame, or unfinished business. This may reassure all involved, including yourself, as to how precious life is.This King of Cups is akin to a pope. Like him, you may find the wisdom and forgiveness to bestows blessings, benedictions, and absolutions. You may help others heal by reminding them of their inherent nobility. As you discover and activate this inner king, lend moral support to those around you. In doing so, you will benefit as well.

Muddled

I am still pretty muddled. After some unknowns have been cleared, some more come along... The feeling I get is hanging in the air and I dont like this kind of feeling... Did he know or did he not know what I am trying to tell him? Is he just asking for reassurances as I thought he is? Right now, he has 'disappeared' again... Maybe, he went back to concentrating on his work again after we have patched up? After all, he sneaked out an awful lots of times during our quarelling periods to write emails. That is simply no good, especially when his boss is around. Or has he gone off for one of his cooling down period because he thought otherwise? Have we or have we not patch up yet?

Revelations

It is the new year. Things that I could not understand, I have understood now. Answers have been revealed. I finally know the real reasons why JJ exploded. Mabel came over to have a talk with me on New Year's Day. She told me everything. The poor silly man... He refused to compromise... He refused to compromise for my sake. He knew that I would understand and agree readily if he had asked so he refused to tell me. Moreover, he did not want me to worry over it. Haiz... Over protection and a lack of communication? That is my poor silly man... We made each other very upset in the process... It is the New Year now, I want to patch up and start anew.

Hope the whole world will start anew as well. A lot of things happened last year. I dont really like 2004 right in the beginning. And I wish for a more peaceful and smooth 2005. Happy New Year, everyone!